By Stacy Dymalski
Jun 3, 2010
In our series of easy-on-the-pocketbook family vacations, we’ve taken you to the Red Cliffs of southern Utah and to the colonial splendor of New England. Now we’ll skip over to the Pacific Northwest, where you can enjoy (for darn near free) the majestic beauty of the Columbia River Gorge.
The Columbia River is the second largest river in the U.S. (after the Mississippi). Parallel with Oregon’s I-84, the river is the border between Oregon and Washington and flows at the bottom of a gorge whose walls rise up to 4,000 feet. This creates a massive wind tunnel, so if you have older children who are into windsurfing (at least intermediate level) the Columbia River Gorge is ranked up there with windsurfing havens like Hawaii, Australia, and South Padre Island, TX. There are several rental shops in Hood River, or you can bring your own board and launch from one of many natural beaches. And even if you don’t windsurf, your kids will love witnessing the hardcore acrobatic windsurfers do their aerial flips and death-defying gybes.
But of course you can only watch for so long before the kids start asking, “Okay, that’s cool, but what’s next?” That’s when you make the short drive down I-84 to Multnomah Falls (www.spectacularoregon.com/fallslakes/multnomahfalls.htm). At 620 feet, it’s the second tallest year-round waterfall in the U.S. To get the full effect of exactly how tall that is, you and the kids MUST hike the beautiful, yet easy trail up to Benson Bridge, which is halfway up the falls. From there you can feel the spray (so be prepared to get wet) and you can look up to see where the falls begin, then look way down to see where they crash into the ground with such loud force, you have to shout to be heard. If you have older kids (and you’re in pretty good shape yourself) you can continue your hike to the top of the falls, however this portion of the trail is long and steep, so it’s not recommended for small children, the elderly, or pregnant women.
For the budding engineers in your family, the Bonneville Dam and Fish Hatchery is just a little ways down I-84. Bonneville Dam is a hydropower dam that was built as a New Deal project by the Army Corp of Engineers between 1933 and 1937 (www.uaex.edu/aquaculture/whitecoats/BonnevilleDam.htm). Rivaling Hoover Dam in power, the creation of the dam interrupted the migration of spawning salmon and steelhead, so fish ladders and hatcheries were added to assist the fish in getting home. Fish migrate year-round, but if you go in October or November, you’ll see colorful Chinook and Coho salmon jumping up the ladders to get over the dam. The visitor center has guided and self-directed tours of the both the dam and the fish hatchery (for more information visit www.dfw.state.or.us/resources/visitors/bonneville_hatchery.asp).
Of course, it rains a lot in the Northwest, so if your kids aren’t happy about a soggy day, it’s worth it to make the 40-minute drive to Portland to visit OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry). Arguably one of the best children’s museums in the world, with over 219,00 square feet of interactive exhibits in five halls, eight science labs, an IMAX theatre and a planetarium, it would take your family days to get through all of OMSI (the hard part will be getting your kids to leave). Open daily year-round (except Mondays), OMSI also schedules kid science-related special events, so check the website (www.omsi.edu) to see what’s coming up.
Don’t be put off if your kids whine beforehand about going on a vacation that offers experiences in nature, science and sports. Kids are creatures of habit, and their habit is to want what they see on TV. Use your limited means to show them there’s more to road trips than Happy Meals and video arcades. Then years later when they reminisce fondly about their wonderful family vacations you can just smile wisely, as if it were all part of your great parenting plan.
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Stacy Dymalski is a freelance writer, filmmaker, and stand-up comic. Her screen credits include co-writer (with Zack Van Eyck)/director of the feature film "Jupiter Landing" and writer/director of the web sitcom series "Hagnet." Stacy learned about being a parent the hard way: she became one. A working mom, Stacy finds the humorous lessons in family life and then writes about them in magazines and books (much to the annoyance of her two sons). Stacy recently co-authored 'The Vixen Chronicles' with Brandy Pinkerman:
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The Vixen Chronicles follows one woman’s backward search for Mr. Right
Brandy Pinkerman’s serial dating begins AFTER she marries a potato farmer at 18 just to get away from her controlling, abusive parents. Soon disillusioned by a husband who prefers business calls to blowjobs, Brandy eventually finds solace in the beds of other men, all of whom turn out to be just as dysfunctional as the family she left behind in small town Nebraska. Proving you can’t get rid of your demons until you bitch-slap them square in the face, Brandy ironically gains wisdom and self-esteem only after keeping company with some of the most narcissistic and morally-deficient men ever to walk the planet.
Brutally honest, painfully funny, and based on true events, Brandy Pinkerman will have you laughing through tears as she shares some of her most ill-advised dating adventures. We’ve all been there, but Brandy shows you that not only will you survive, but somewhere along the way you’ll realize that choosing the tougher road gives you answers to questions you never knew you had.
Brandy Pinkerman Janke is the owner of Tri-State Insurance and an associate at Renaissance Financial Services. She lives in Lubbock, TX, with her daughters, Hailey and Sydney. Currently, she's working on her second book "Adventures in Brandyland." And yes, she is still dating.
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