By Brent Crouch
Feb 8, 2010
When going through a divorce, the most important thing to remember I that it will be possible for you live a happy and driven life again, on your own, as soon as you are ready to put the past behind you and retake control over your own future. Give yourself the time and understanding you need to grieve, stew, or question , and then set out to find a new passion, a new interest, a new goal in life to keep yourself going. Don't let the baggage of your past marriage destroy your chances of healthy, fulfilling relationships in the future.
For most people, the process of healing from a divorce is one that takes some time and can't be rushed. Instead of trying to live up to standards other people may suggest are normal, do what you know you need to do in order to rebuild your life the way you want it.
Well-intentioned friends and relatives eager to dispense unsought after advice at every turn will likely have a great deal of ideas and hints which, to their mind, one would have to be foolhardy to ignore. They may be convinced that the best thing to do is just "get over it" and the sooner, the better. Thank them graciously for their concern, but remember that everyone reacts differently to difficult situations in life and that someone who has not experienced such a drastic change in their life is probably not fully capable of comprehending what adjusting to this change actually entails.
The aftermath of a divorce is often a rollercoaster ride of emotions, from anger and shock to grief and relief. Keeping a journal-even if it's just a simple notebook to jot down your thoughts-can be extremely helpful in sorting these feelings out. Some people also find encouragement in blogs and online forums where they can anonymously share their experiences with others going through similar situations.
It is crucial during this time to surround oneself with close, supportive friends and family members. Many people also turn to therapists to help them heal from a recent divorce, and some are surprised by how helpful speaking with a counselor can be. A therapist can help to put things into perspective and provide a refreshing viewpoint on the situation since they aren't deeply mired in the past events.
Try to look at the end of an unhappy marriage as a chance to start things anew. Improve your life by trying a new hobby. Now is also a great time to start exercising if you don't already. A physical workout is a great way to burn off steam and tension and to boost your confidence and energy, both of which are likely to have been drained by your recent ordeals.
Unfortunately, coping with divorce often entails more than just getting your emotions in check. Dealing with finances, dividing assets, and figuring out what to do with the house are major things to consider, not to mention the all important issue of custody if there are children involved.
Don't hesitate to seek debt counseling if necessary. Step back and take stock of your finances before you decide what needs to be done from now on to live comfortably while making ends meet. An attorney or mediator can provide advice on how to settle finances in a manner that is as fair as possible to all involved.
While coping with divorce isn't necessarily going to be a walk in the park, it doesn't have to alter your life to the point you no longer enjoy the simple things, or find that you no don't recognize yourself anymore. Marriages may end, although life does go on, but only if you make it happen.
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