When a parent is ill, the first thought is to protect the child from learning about what is going on. However, that may cause more problems in the long run. Children are more resilient than they are often given credit for and not knowing may leave them with more questions and worries than a little information about what is going on would ever cause.

The parents need to agree about what is shared with the child and when they will tell them exactly what is going on with the ill parent. All other friends and family should be prompted on when and what is told to the child so that the cat is not let out of the bag too soon.

Tips on breaking the news

• Keep the information, age-appropriate and basic. Allow the child to react to the news and be prepared for follow-up questions from some kids and silence from others.
• Do not allow distractions while giving the news.
• Do not dwell on the subject; give the information and then reassure the child.
• Do not make false promises or give false hope no matter what age group you are talking to.
• Be honest and try to be strong.

When dealing with a long-term illness
An illness in the family will disrupt every aspect of family life. Things such as school work, activities and sports and routines may get pushed to the side as more important matters are focused on. Trying to keep things as normal as possible can be important especially for the ill parent.

The ill parent may start to feel guilty about things that are being missed out on and that guilt may delay or hamper recovery. The more serious the illness, the more important it is that routines and activities are kept. Enlist the help of friends or family whenever possible. Make sure that the child feels comfortable with asking questions and that it is all right to be sad, mad, or both. Also, make sure that the child feels that it is okay to laugh and have fun, because the ill parent might enjoy that sound more than anything to brighten their spirits.

Further tips:

• Do not reprimand a child for being afraid to touch the ill parent. He may be afraid that he will hurt or cause further sickness. However, do talk to the child and reassure them that touching their parent will not harm either of them.
• Do not be so strong that you never show emotion in front of the children. They may get the idea that their own feelings are wrong and try to stifle them.
• Make sure that the parent who is not ill is able to spend some time with the child away from the home or hospital.
• Explain what is likely to happen during the illness stages before they occur. For instance, let the child know that mommy is going to lose all of her hair or that daddy may not be able to walk for a while when he comes home from the hospital.

When the illness is terminal
Not all illnesses will be temporary in nature. When it is a known fact that the parent will succumb eventually, the child must be prepared for that fact. Just as you let the child know the stages of the illness as they came along, you must let him or her know that their parent may not be around any longer. Do not use terms such as “go to sleep forever” or “go away” because they are confusing for children and may lead them to be afraid of going to sleep or leaving their house. Going away could suggest that the ill parent might soon be coming back which sets the child up for continued disappointment and will not allow them to move through the grieving process.

Make sure that the child is not isolated, even when the tragic does happen. Allow them to grieve in their own way, no matter what that may mean.

Copyright © 2009-2010 Parentainment.com, Inc.