By Stacy Dymalski
Mar 24, 2010
Parents today are just plain busy. In addition to raising kids, which is a fulltime job in and of itself, most of us also have careers that we have to juggle with our family’s extra curricular activities and appointments. Our lives consist of constant scheduling, just to make sure we don’t accidentally leave junior standing on a street corner waiting for a ride home from lacrosse practice. So when we’re penciling in the orthodontist, piano lessons, jazz dance, school play practices, band concerts, and the dog’s teeth cleaning, do we ever also schedule in time for our own social lives? Probably not.
Why is that? Why do we make time for everything and everyone other than ourselves? Is there some law that says you can’t be a parent and have a social life?
Actually, there is. It’s the law of physics that confirms there are only so many hours in a day, and when they’re all used up, there aren’t anymore left until the next day (which is probably also already filled up). And since no one appears to be lobbying for a new 30-hour day, it’s up to us to find a way to squeeze in a social life so we can stop mumbling to ourselves like crazy people at the end of each and every exhausting week.
Unless you’re self-employed, work probably has a set schedule from which can’t poach time. (And by the way, if you are self-employed, and you’re not scheduling at least one non-work-related lunch date a month for yourself, then shame on you!) If, however, you get off work at 5:00 p.m., but you never leave the office until 6:00 or later, well then you’re either certifiably insane or it’s time to figure out why you feel obligated to stay. If you can’t get your work done in the time you’re given, maybe you’re saddled with (or have agreed to take on) too much work. Remember, that so-many-hours-in-day thing applies to your professional life, too. In order to leave your job on time, consider delegating or talk to your boss about lightening your load. Because if you leave the office at a reasonable hour, you’ll have time to meet your friends for the occasional happy hour. Or use that time to go to the gym, or organize a group bike ride, or hit a sale with your friends, or even meet your spouse (or date) right after work for an early dinner.
Now you’re probably saying, “That’d be nice, but I have to pick up the kids.” Yes, they have their schedules, too, but do you always have to be the one to shuttle them around? If your goal is to spend some time with your friends (or for you single parents, to get out there and circulate so you can meet new people), then get yourself in a carpool and arrange for other parents to take your kids from A to B once in awhile (and you’ll reciprocate later). If your children are too young to stay home alone after school, make plans for them to go home with a classmate whose mom will be home.
If you’re married (or single and dating), and you want to have a weekly date night, then book a babysitter several weeks in a row for the same night. Your kids will quickly get into the habit of knowing that Friday night is when mom and dad go out, while they get to stay home, eat pizza and stay up late watching all the really nauseating kid movies you purposely avoided when they were at the Cineplex.
Ironically, the biggest deterrent that prevents us from having a social life as parents is not the kids or work; it’s ourselves. Somehow we got it into our heads that to be good parents we have to give up everything we enjoy in favor of family. But the reality is with a little effort you can take good care of your family and have a social life (as long as you don’t lose your day planner).
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Stacy Dymalski is a freelance writer, filmmaker, and stand-up comic. Her screen credits include co-writer (with Zack Van Eyck)/director of the feature film "Jupiter Landing" and writer/director of the web sitcom series "Hagnet." Stacy learned about being a parent the hard way: she became one. A working mom, Stacy finds the humorous lessons in family life and then writes about them in magazines and books (much to the annoyance of her two sons). Stacy recently co-authored 'The Vixen Chronicles' with Brandy Pinkerman:
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The Vixen Chronicles follows one woman’s backward search for Mr. Right
Brandy Pinkerman’s serial dating begins AFTER she marries a potato farmer at 18 just to get away from her controlling, abusive parents. Soon disillusioned by a husband who prefers business calls to blowjobs, Brandy eventually finds solace in the beds of other men, all of whom turn out to be just as dysfunctional as the family she left behind in small town Nebraska. Proving you can’t get rid of your demons until you bitch-slap them square in the face, Brandy ironically gains wisdom and self-esteem only after keeping company with some of the most narcissistic and morally-deficient men ever to walk the planet.
Brutally honest, painfully funny, and based on true events, Brandy Pinkerman will have you laughing through tears as she shares some of her most ill-advised dating adventures. We’ve all been there, but Brandy shows you that not only will you survive, but somewhere along the way you’ll realize that choosing the tougher road gives you answers to questions you never knew you had.
Brandy Pinkerman Janke is the owner of Tri-State Insurance and an associate at Renaissance Financial Services. She lives in Lubbock, TX, with her daughters, Hailey and Sydney. Currently, she's working on her second book "Adventures in Brandyland." And yes, she is still dating.
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