By Amy Blakeslee
Apr 15, 2010
So, your friend Jenny (who does not have children) calls and asks you to meet her for coffee. With pleading eyes you mention this to your spouse who thinks that it is a perfectly wonderful idea. You pull on your least spit-upon outfit and off you go. Jenny is telling you about her exploits in the business world while you hopelessly try to catch up with the conversation. The internet is on the computer now? Hmm, very interesting. You nod with what you hope is passing for a completely aware and interested face. Inside, you have not a stinking clue of what she means. You vow to kick on CNN every now and then. Jenny’s coffee comes and as she reaches out to take the handle with her perfectly manicured fingers, you shout “no, hot!” before you can stop yourself. Mortified, you shrink back, trying to think of something to say.
All parents-to-be vow that they will never be one of the brainless, going through the motions parents, so immersed in their child’s life that they have no time for themselves. And then the baby shows up. In the first few months, it is all a blur of bonding, bawling and breast/bottle feeding and barely sleeping. No one would fault you for having brain drain during that period. However, if your baby is gone on to toddlerhood and you have not started to regroup; it is time for an intervention.
Step away from the animation
Remember when you knew what was going on in the world? It is time for you to click off the cartoons (yes, even the educational ones) and watch the news, watch some sports or whatever you used to be interested in. Try watching and participating in a quiz show so that you see how badly you need to get back to being you. Remember when you were smart? Your brain is sleeping; it is time to nudge it back into action.
Choose a hobby
Think back to the days before you were married and had children. What did you like to do back then? Was there a hobby that you liked to spend time doing? Were you an avid reader, a painter, a closet poet? Whatever that hobby might have been, it is time to bring back that passion. Join a book club. You can read your book to the baby if you are curious about when you will have the time to fit it in. Your baby does not care what you read, it is the sound of your voice that she is interested in. Paint a masterpiece or scribble a sonnet, whatever you were interested in, do it. For the time being, it is just for you, but in time you might want to share some of these interests with your children. Who knows, you might be raising a little Matisse.
Make adult friends
When all of your sentences end with a question mark even when they are declarative in nature, when all names have an “oo” or “ie” at the end or when you add “wubsums” to anything at all, there is a serious problem. If you have ever called Glen Beck the big bad cwazy monster, it is time for you to get over yourself and get out of the house for a little while, sans children. However, during the next adult conversation when you are able to hold forth on the beauty of “Ode to Joy,” it is time to thank the Little Einsteins secretly. (And, point of reference: Glen Beck might really be a big, bad cwazy monster after all.)
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