The Parent Dating Game

Let’s face it.  Parenting is a fulltime job and sometimes you just need a break.  Whether you’re single or married, designating a date night is a great way to make sure you get the respite you need from your daily family routine of making lunches, helping with homework, and chauffeuring kids around so much you know more direct routes across town than Mapquest.

When you’re a single parent, however, deciding what to do on a date can be tricky, especially if it’s your first date with a new person. You don’t have the advantage of already knowing what the other person likes, so you have to be open-minded, yet true to yourself.  On the one hand, you don’t want your date to think you’re rigid and tedious, but on the other hand you don’t want to spend an entire evening doing something you consider so uninteresting you’d kill just to get that time back. 

So how do you avoid feeling put on the spot when your date asks “What would you like to do?”  Before you even get to that point, it’s helpful to think of dates as two different types; traditional (which is more reactive) and alternative (which is more proactive).  Both are good, and neither is better than the other.

A traditional date is more of what married couples do, but they’re equally fun for dating singles (especially if they’ve been dating for a while).  A traditional date includes events like dinner, a movie, maybe going to a play or a concert.  On a traditional date a third party entertains the couple, and then afterward they go somewhere to talk about what they just saw.  This is more common for people who already know each other, so they need something else to discuss other than themselves. 

But traditional dates may not give couples ample chance to get to know each other.  First (as well as second and third) dates are all about verbally exploring the likes and dislikes of your new friend.  For example, browsing a bookstore together allows you to chat about your favorite authors, books, music, and movies.  There’s no better way to get to know someone than to find out what they like to read (or even if they like to read).  Some bookstores also have coffee shops, so if it’s going well you can continue your stimulating conversation over a latte. 

Other fun alternative dates include miniature golfing, skating, paddle-boating, hiking, picnicking, or visiting a museum or art gallery. All these places give you an opportunity to talk about yourself (and ask questions about the other person) in terms of what you’re doing on your date (so your inquiries don’t feel so invasive). Just about anywhere you can talk without bothering someone else (chatting during a movie is not good) makes for a successful alternative date.  If you’re both really adventurous, you might consider signing up for a class together, such as photography (you could go on photo excursions in between classes), ballroom dancing, cooking, pottery, whatever!  Taking classes together also gives you an opportunity to be supportive of each other without being critical.  (For example, “I love how you modified our class recipe. Your calamari tasted even better than the teacher’s!”)

Whether you’re married or single, dating should be as much a priority as driving in your kids’ carpool.  There is no reason to feel guilty about getting a babysitter and putting your parenting responsibilities on the back burner for a few carefree hours.  Letting yourself occasionally unwind makes you a happier parent.  And as the saying goes, if Mamma (or Daddy) ain’t happy, then nobody’s happy.

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Stacy Dymalski is a freelance writer, filmmaker, and stand-up comic. Her screen credits include co-writer (with Zack Van Eyck)/director of the feature film "Jupiter Landing" and writer/director of the web sitcom series "Hagnet."  Stacy learned about being a parent the hard way: she became one. A working mom, Stacy finds the humorous lessons in family life and then writes about them in magazines and books (much to the annoyance of her two sons).  Stacy recently co-authored 'The Vixen Chronicles' with Brandy Pinkerman: