Summer 2010

Dear Mom and Dad,

Camp Moneybucks is very fun this year. I’m so glad you bit the bullet and paid the extra $900 so I could do the adventure hikes, which included bungee jumping off Teddy Roosevelt’s nose on Mount Rushmore and water skiing down the Snake River rapids on footwear we made out of redwoods we cut down in our logging class. (By the way, I don’t care what any lawyer says, that thing with the buzz saw was not my fault, but don’t worry, the doctor said I should regain up to 75% use of my finger once... ......Read more

Recently I was asked to be a science fair judge at our local elementary school. Even though my kids have graduated from said school, the PTO over there knows a sucker when they see one. And that would be me.

Seems the school had trouble recruiting volunteer judges because they held the proctoring from noon to two. Call me crazy, but if you want to maximize your parent volunteers you don’t ask them to give up that precious time when their kids are in school. Don’t get me wrong, we all love our children more than life itself,... ......Read more

Yesterday (as I write this) was Mother’s Day. I always wonder what will happen on Mother’s Day because I have a husband who thinks leaving the toilet seat down constitutes a special gift, only to be given on special occasions – like Mother’s Day. For cryin’ out loud, we’ve been together for almost a quarter of a century. You’d think he’d get tired of fishing me out of the bowl when I fall in due to a miscalculated “sit down.” If anything his absentmindedness (for lack of a better word) has taught me to NEVER go to the bathroom in... ......Read more

Recently I started going to the gym. I’ve never been one for exercising indoors, but when you live at 7,000 feet winter lasts a good seven months and by May you’re so sick of snow (and being cold) you want to bitch slap Mother Nature with an icicle. Believe me, by mid spring it just doesn’t feel right to be outside jogging in weather that makes your nose hairs freeze.

Also by May you notice the effects of what I call “Fat Season” peaking out in the form of unsightly dimples on your thighs. Fat Season... ......Read more

Only five weeks left of school and then SUMMER VACATION BEGINS! (Not that I’m counting.)

As with anything you look forward to, the anticipation of summer vacation is better than the vacation itself. When I was a kid we started the countdown the day after spring break ended. Whether you liked school or not, it was a betrayal of childhood if you didn’t curse those last two and a half months of academic incarceration.

Now that I’m a parent I still look forward to summer... ......Read more

The older I get the messier my house gets and the less I seem to mind. And that’s saying a lot because I started out my young adulthood being one with the vacuum cleaner. If I had a free moment I’d change the shelf paper in the pantry, alphabetize my spices, or reorganize my underwear drawer. Now it’s a miracle if I can even find clean underwear, mainly because it’s been two weeks since I’ve done laundry, and that’s probably because we ran out of detergent somewhere around then and I keep forgetting to add it to my grocery list.